One Month I
Today is the first day of month two of the year, and that seems as good of a time as any to update my yearly goals. I haven’t forgotten them yet, and have been working very hard at trying to keep them up, but not quite hard enough yet.
I went for an awfully long time before I even said a cuss word. Since then I have said a few, but I have been pretty good. The is only one instance that I thinkof that I was out of line with what I said, so that is much better than I was doing before the turn of the year. I figure now I can say some cuss words, depending on the company and context and everything, as long as it is not inappropriate or too vulgar.
The religion thing hasn’t been going so well. I feel like sometimes I am a better person, but not always. I still haven’t made it to church yet, so that is something I need to get on. So this is a negative so far.
I don’t know if that 3.5 is going to be possible, I haven’t had a clue in my physics class yet, but the rest I should be alright. I went to bed at an appropriate time for the first week or so, but even that has been getting later and later. I have been spending entirely too much money, eating not great, and not been very nice to my friends/ family. So I still have a lot of work to do.
The girl situation I am not sure how it is going. I don’t know what to think. But I suppose I just need to keep up what I have been doing.
Resolutions for a Revolution
Each year I make a list of resolutions and goals, and then I look into it again some time around July and realize that I am nowhere near the goals I had set for myself, but hopefully I can make this year a little different. I need to stay more focused on the things that have been improtant to me for so long, that I have blown off lately, so following this list will be a good way to start.
Stop cussing so much.
I cuss far too much each day and I have been getting worse. Words that I would never say because I felt they were too vulgar and too offensive have been slipping into my everyday vocabulary. Today was the first day that I tried that, and so far so good, I still am thinking a lot of curse words, but I have been pretty good about saying them aloud. Hopefully I can wean myself from even thinking the vulgar words.
Be More Religious
I went to Catholic grade school and high school, and was always pretty good about going to church and believing in what I was supposed to, but once I got to college and had all of these new ideas opened up to me, things changed. I still like to think that I am a pretty good believer, but I haven’t been going to any church services lately. For a while I was attending different denominations to see if I enjoyed their service, but recently I haven’t been going anywhere. I need to get back into the habit of attending some form of church service each week, and do the things that are required morally.
Try in school and on the team
This past fall I didn’t make too much of an effort for class, and my grades suffered a little bit. I should have easily had 3 A’s and maybe one B, or straight A’s, but I settled for an A, two B’s, and a C. My classes this semester are a mix of things that should be really easy and very hard, so if I stay focused, I should be able to pull off a 3.5 GPA. As for the volleyball team, everyday in practice I worked really hard, but in the weight room I didn’t always give my full effort, and I didn’t work out nearly hard enough for the first half of Winter Break. I need to do like I did my first year on the team, going in after practice and doing extra reps in the weight room and staying after weekend practices working on blocking and serving.
Those are my main three things I need to work on, I am also planning on trying to eat better, stop wasting so much money, going to bed earlier, and trying to be nicer to my friends and family. I also want to keep working on things with girls. I have been an idiot several times when I have talked to them, but I just need to be cool, which is a lot easier said than done.
Hopefully I can keep up what I started today for the first few months of the year, and when I check back up, I will be going swell. Only time will tell, but I need to force myself to work on it.
Goals I’ve reached
All summer I worked towards two things, and these two things were the only things I cared about. Then I received both of them at the beginning of the school year, and after receieving them, I had to think, did I really want these things. With the one, things weren’t working out great to start with, but have since taken a turn for the better and things are going quite swell, and as for the other, things started out decently, but have slowly gotten worse. If I could’ve only gotten one of the two things, it is the thing that is working out now, but all of my life I have strived for the other, and now I am wondering if it is all worth it. I think, is this how I want to spend the next four years of my life? If I improve, I am sure it will get better, but it is very tough to improve at a rate that would put me on the same level in such a short time. It is going to be a long process. So, I guess, just be careful what you wish for, but if you really want something, go for it all the way.
Heavyweights
I am watching Heavyweights right now, and I never realized that Kenan from Kenan and Kel was in this movie. I do love this movie, and I love Ben Stiller in it. Now, are you ready for the best damn summer of your life?
My Time
A lot of times I will have ideas to make plans with people, and I will even tell them I will call them, but in my eyes, time seems to move about 100 times slower than it really is. So when I look at the clock and it says 1:46, and I was supposed to call my friends at 11:30, I felt like an asshole. So, I need to know, how does one keep a better track of time. I mean it is possible that I fell asleep in this timeframe, and just didn't realize it, but who knows.
Sam Cassell… cutest man in America
Today I was watching some highlights of the NBA playoffs, and I kept noticing one player more than the rest. His name is Sam Cassell and I am here today to make the argument that he is the cutest man in the United States of America. I mean, just look at him, his misshapen egg head, if you look at the correct angle, it almost looks like an alien head. When he is really happy, he will flash you the biggest, toothiest grin I have seen since watching Mr. Ed when I was a kid. Othertimes, he gets really angry, and the veins in his neck stick out. His eyes
get really beady, and his mouth swings open like something is trying to escape from it. His eyes are pretty beady, except when he is very focused on something, then they almost look like they are trying to jump out of his face and throw a party or something. That is why I would like to nominate all 6′3″ 185lbs of Sam Cassell as the cutest man in America. Go Clips!
Future
If you could see the future, would you take that opportunity to learn what you would become and find out where the next however long will take you?
I don't know if I would. I would like to know, but then you might find out something about yourself and worry about it, and try to change it, and that would make the time we are living in much worse. I think if I had the opportunity, I would fast forward my life a year or 5, then I would be done with my bachelor's degree, and most of the way through my Masters. I would be married, have a decent job, and working hard at my masters. I would have a job all lined up for after I get my degree, a house, a decent car, and everything will be going smoothly.
Between then and now, who knows what is going to happen? They always say getting there is half of the fun, so I am looking forward to it. Making some great memories with my friends. Who knows though, I mean, we could all be blown off of the face of the earth by some stupid Nuclear warhead or something, or an asteroid that got too close to the earth and was pulled in by the gravitation. Or, on a smaller scale, I could get smashed by a falling piano while walking on campus one day, or get caught under a gas truck, that's the worst. I have been lucky so far in my life, I have never had to bury any of my friends, so hopefully I keep that streak going. My parents aren't that old, so I don't think I have to worry about that, but who knows.
All we can do is get up each day, and make the most of it, never settle for anything less than your wildest dream, because it might be the last chance you get to run through that flower filled meadow, or wish upon that shooting star, or hold that person you care about so much, or sing at the top of your lungs that song you have playing on the radio.
I read a quote recently by Ghandi or somebody, it said… Live each day as if it were your last, but learn as if you were going to live forever. I have been trying to live by that, but some days are tougher than others to not just take the easy road and say, well I can just make up for it tomorrow.
Enjoy the rest of your day, and have an even better tomorrow.
The way things are going
Last week may have been one of the worst weeks I have had in a long time. My watch broke, I had no idea where I was heading in life, I failed a physics test horribly, and kept dwelling on the negative things in my life. I was worrying about work, my parents, gas, passing my classes, and all sorts of things. At one point I was as close to a nervous breakdown as I have ever been in my life, and I am usually the epitome of calm. I don't get worked up over these small things.
When I woke up this morning, I decided that this week was going to be different, I was going to do my best to make it one of the best in recent memory. I made it to my classes on time, got out of my second one early, studied a little for my Calc test, and ate some of the best chicken I have ever had. I just need to make sure to pass my Calc test on Thursday. If I get a 63 on both this test and the final I pass the class with a C, and if I don't, then I have to retake the class, so I am getting at least a 63 on both tests. If I study well enough for this test, and pull out an 85 or something, then I just have to worry about making it to my final on time, which is an hour before the class normally starts. Why do they do that? Make me get up an hour earlier than I normally have to, and I have a heck of a time getting up as it is. I am going to take Alison to Coney Island one day this week, she has never been there, and it is a staple of Fort Wayne and I have many childhood memories from that place. Thursday night we are going out to eat with my parents, at a restaurant I could never afford, so I am kind of excited for that. Friday and Saturday I am completely free, so I am sure we will all meet up and have a good time, so I am excited for this week. The only thing that could bring me down would be failing that Calc test, and I am not going to let that happen.
Have a good week everyone.
Summer
Summer is usually one, if not the best seasons of the year, ( I know it isn't that hard since there are only 4…) but I am a little afraid of this summer, and what I mean by that is I am absolutely terrified. I know that there is nothing that can be done, and that I will just have to make a little more effort and everything will work out, or not, and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be, and I will be better off because of it. Either way I think I will be better off because of it, but I am just dreading everything. Work, volleyball conditioning, work, the heat, Alison going home, not ever seeing my friends, and sunburn. I just need to stop worrying about it and do my best to make it the most enjoyable summer I have ever had, and then even if it isn't the best ever, it will at least be better than if I sit and dread its arrival every second of the day. Summer vacation is only 4 weeks away, and I can't sit here and lie and say I haven't been counting down the days, because I am sick to death of homework and tests and quizzes and the whole learning environment, but I am still a little afraid. Oh well, let's see how it goes.
NB
My sister
Today would be my sister, Celeste's, 16th birthday, and I think back at the little time we actually got to spend with her, and it really makes me sad, because now she would be nearly a woman, and it would be a lot of fun. Her, Cory, and I were like pees in a pod, we got along great, and Cory and I still get along pretty awesome most of the time, and just thinking of having another person around like us makes me smile, because I know the laughs she would bring and the good times. And Cory and I would be able to protect her, always look out for her and be there for all of her problems. I wonder what kind of a person she would have become, what she would look like, if she would be athletic how tall she would be all sorts of things. It really makes me value the time that I spend with my friends and family because I know that tomorrow I might wake up and they might be gone, and there are so many things that were never said or done, because I sometimes take the time we have together for granted. I just wish that I could see her now, see what she would've become if she hadn't gotten sick, who she would be. I think what I really want to know the most is what kind of a person would I be because of the influence she would have on me.
I love and miss you little sis.
Happy sweet 16.
